when I was eighteen or just about to be, I returned from some time in the away without direction and with many rivers to cross and wounds to heal and thoughts to think and games to play and wanting, more than anything, a quiet space to relax and just vege out for a while... to maybe to find myself... maybe you've been there...

my brother (from an adopted family that did not keep in touch over the years), who was about ten years older than I was, introduced me to a girl, who was thirty two years old at the time, who was looking for a live-in baby-sitter for her two young kids in exchange for room and board...

we became roommates...

after a few weeks, a friend of hers who was a year or few older than she was climbed into bed with me, just to cuddle and semi-sleepily grind a bit after one of our weekend parties (it was a time of many parties)... it appeared to surprise us all, perhaps because the friend was a doctor of psychology or perhaps because she was very attractive and I did not make any overt moves on her...

in the morning when my roommate passed my room and gasped, accidentally woking us only the say excuse me and back out of my room with some discomfort, the beautiful girl laying next to me asked why I did not take advantage of her... my reply was that she seemed to just want to cuddle... she called me sensitive and snuggled closer and we fell asleep again for a little while...

it was not mentioned again until the next weekend, when my roommate invited me into her bed for the night...

emotionally she was not much out of her teens in spite of her chronological age because she had fell in love and married her high school sweetheart and had known no other intimate (physical or emotional) relationships... we talked about how I had more experience than she did (not much, since I was not actually into bed-hopping myself, though I was and am into snuggling and cuddling)... after a few weeks we explored each others bodies and enjoyed a few months of comfort, and healthy sex, if not always completely comfortable intimacy...

it was a household comfortable with nudity (I think that's healthy)... we dressed for warmth, not out of embarrassment or ritual... we shared baths and showered together helping the kids wash their hair and teaching them good hygiene... her kids often climbed into bed with us in the mornings to snuggle and cuddle, so we rarely shared wake up sex... we did not include the kids in any of our bedroom pleasures...

one day when we were both quite sexually stimulated, her five year old daughter crawled into bed with us and climbed on top of me, straddling my groin... as she noticed my erect penis and rocked, saying it felt good, I looked semi-helplessly at my roommate for advice on what to do... my roommate, who I trusted because she was older, the parent, and was a graduate student in child psychology, spoke to me in adult words that were geared to be above the level of understanding of her daughter (meanwhile my erection was asking to ejaculate, since a penis does not have much, if any concern for the rules that humanity call morality or laws, even)... my roommate was telling me to just let her rock because she did not want her daughter to suffer any trauma or learn any fear of nudity or sexuality...

meanwhile she (my roommate) took her daughter's hand in one hand and with her other hand, continued from where I had left off and was satisfying her already aroused body quietly there next to me and her daughter in the bed...

I asked whether she factored ejaculation into her reasoning and she pondered a few moments (that were quite confusing for me and my penis) and explained to her daughter that if she continued to ride me then my penis would squirt and if she (the daughter) did not want it to squirt then she should stop... my roommate gave me a look that meant let her daughter decide...

I was determined to keep an open mind as a child and even more determined to keep an open mind as I ran into the walls and rules and limits that growing up demanded in this world... I remembered my first sexual experiences were at an age younger than the girl who was currently pressing her vagina against my penis (we were both four years old) and how comfortable I was with myself physically and emotionally because I did not buy into the fears that I was told I should have... through these thoughts, my roommates daughter continued rocking...

I won't tell you if I ejaculated or not, for that is not the point... I will tell you that we all learned a lot from that experience and her daughter curled up between us and fell asleep that morning...

that roommate and her daughter and I parted ways eventually as we moved to different cities, but to this day it remains one of the most beautiful memories of intimacy I've ever known...

I wonder what you would do or how you would feel if this happened to you... I mean, if this was not just a story...